Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Day 38: On Feeling 50

The fact that I stayed up until 1 a.m. this morning is making it even harder than usual to post something for this blog. I suppose I could post how now that I am near 50, it's certainly a lot harder to go all day after staying up so late as evidenced by this truly riveting blog post :)!

Ah youth, it truly is wasted on the young. When I was in my 20s all I needed was a late night espresso or cappuccino and I was good to go for at least another full day. And if I did get sleepy during the day, all I needed was a little nap and my brain did not remain foggy like it does now.

There are so many cliched things I could keep writing here about turning 50, the forgetfulness, the needing to sleep more, the aches and pains that start appearing seemingly out of nowhere. But, for the most part, most of the time I do not feel any differently than I did at 25, 30, 40, etc., etc. and it really does seem like just an arbitrary number to me.

Then why does it sound so much bigger to me than any of those other "milestone" years? Is it because it is half a century? Is it because when I was 18 it sounded O-L-D? Is it the f*$*ing AARP membership card that keeps coming in the mail? Is it because I am making a big deal out of it by writing this blog?

Whatever it is, today I am feeling it. So, I decided to look up same famous people turning 50 this year just to see if that would make me feel even older. It certainly was eye opening. There are 3 "Brat Packers" on the list: they are Ally Sheedy, Andrew McCarthy, and Emilio Estevez. Also on the list are Matthew Broderick (yep Ferris Bueller himself), Jon Bon Jovi, Sheryl Crow, Jon Stewart and Jodi Foster.

Now if I think about most of them, I picture them at most as 20-something, but mostly as younger than that, especially the Brat Pack, that one really does make me feel it. So, once again I am turning to some quotes to help me remember that it really is just a number and that I don't have to let it change me, or I don't have to act O-L-D.

"Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.  We grow old by deserting our ideals.  Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul."  ~Samuel Ullman, poet

"None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm."~Henry David Thoreau

Inside I still feel this old, not 50!

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