Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Day 115: Learning to Like Letting Go

The past month has been challenging for me. Things that I expected didn't happen; things that I thought I did, I didn't do; and things that I thought I was in control of, I never really was.

As I wrote here last month, making a huge blunder is something that is certainly never expected by anyone. But, I think it is even harder for a control freak like me.

The illusion that by planning, by following a certain path, and by being somebody who always does the "right thing" somehow means you have control over your life, makes the realization that you don't all the more difficult.

But the further away from it I get, the better I feel, and the more I realize how damaging trying to be in control really is.

One of the most unexpected parts of the whole experience has been the discovery of just how boxed in I have let myself become. And, that the tighter I try to hold on to "my life" the more out of control I actually become. Ah, my life is never short on irony.

That's not to say that I am now going to go out and become a complete wild child. I am turning 50, not 21 (at least chronologically I am). Besides, I already did that. I know who I am and what I want. But, that doesn't mean that I can't be more than that.

Yes, I am a writer, but that is not all that I am. It doesn't mean I need to exclude other options and other opportunities that keep coming up, especially those that I have said "never" to before. I just wrote about the danger in "never saying never" the other day. It is a surefire way to make something happen in my life every time I say it.

So, I am learning to see this as an opportunity for growth and for having more in my life. And, I am resisting every urge I have to fight it, and instead, to just surrender to it.




 

"Let Go" by Frou Frou



drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

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