Day 59: Growing Food & Growing A Friendship

"I have friends in overalls whose friendship I would not swap for the favor of the kings of the world." ~Thomas A. Edison

Today was a very busy day and was mostly a very good day. I started out early this morning going to the Torrance Certified Farmers' Market to get a few things, but mainly to get some lettuce seedlings to take for a talk I gave to the Riviera Garden Club.

I told them what I know about starting an edible spring garden. It was great to be able to share my love of gardening with other gardeners. I especially love to "convert" flower growers into edible growers, or, at least, encourage them to incorporate them in with their ornamentals. I was pleasantly surprised to find so many already growing some food.

The meeting was held at the Torrance Airport Meeting Room and for those who know the area and/or know me, you know that is where Tom Ishibashi's farm was/is. And, I have gradually seen things start to change since he passed away last year and know it is inevitable that soon, everything will be gone.

This reality hit me hard last night when I got a call from his niece telling me they were going to be having a huge garage sale in the next couple of weeks to get rid of all the equipment, etc. because they need to be out of there by April. And, she asked if I was sincere in my offer to help them publicize it by blogging about it, tweeting, it etc. I told her I was sincere, and that I wanted to come and help too with the sale. As we finished chatting, she told me she'd let me know exactly when that would happen.

On my way to the meeting I was a bit preoccupied and yes, nervous before my talk. I am always at least a little nervous before any garden talk even though I have done this so many times. I am a researcher and writer, I can talk up other people and write about them, but, I really don't like to be the one "on."

I got through my presentation fine and after it was over and as I was packing up and looking out at the runway, I teared up as it hit me that my friend Tom is really gone and that his farm is really gone.

When I got home and checked my email, I had one from Tom's niece Karen telling me "we will be having our going out of business sale on March 10."  Needless to say, reading that really made me sad and I did more than just tear up. I miss my friend Tom, he was grumpy and funny, he was tough and kind, and he was one of the most generous men I have ever known. He would give me as much produce as I could carry, and he would always invite me back to chat with him and would always offer me food, whatever he had or was eating.

He was also so supportive of my work. He bought a copy of my book for every member of his family, his very large, extended family. And, he made me sign each and every one of them (nearly 100 copies). So, I made him sign the last page in my book, because it had his photo on it. Here it is in color (getting him to pose was no easy task):

Tom T. Ishibashi, February 8, 2008

I don't just miss my friend, but I also miss my local farmer. I am sad not only for me, but sad for my community. We have lost a 60+ year family farm. So many people looked forward to it reopening each spring, starting first with his flowers, then his strawberries and later in the season, his sweet corn, the sweetest corn I have ever eaten.

October 2008, me and my farm hero, Tom T. Ishibashi, he let me do a book signing at the farm.  I made him sign books alongside me since he is the "star" of my book.

Day 58: Rainy Days And Mondays

Yeah, using a schmaltzy song title from a 1971 Carpenters' song in my subject line is proof of several things. Mainly, that I really am this old and that I love schmaltzy songs. But, it is Monday and it did rain today, and this song popped into my head as it often does on Mondays.

It is not a happy song, but then it's not really a sad one either. It speaks about going to the one who loves you when things are getting you down.

For me, it reminds me of how important it is to feel that you have someone in your life that you can do that with. And when you don't, that's when you start thinking that the song is sad. It makes me remember that it's important that those I love not only know that, but that they really feel it.

It is so ironic to listen to the lyrics and think about Karen Carpenter and wonder if she felt that she didn't have anyone in her life like that.

For those who have no clue about this song, or what I am talking about, here's a video of them performing it. Karen Carpenter had an amazing voice, and she conveyed so much feeling with it. It is so tragic that she had such body image issues and that because of them she died at 32 of heart failure resulting from complications of her disease: anorexia. 

Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothin' ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down


What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down


Funny, but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny, but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me (the one who loves me)


What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

 

View of PV from Torrance Beach on this rainy Monday

Day 57: On Expending Energy

This morning as I was getting myself going (which seems to take me longer and longer to do each day), I was checking out the chamomile in my garden and was reminded of something that they do that is pretty cool.

The petals on chamomile flowers close at night, and depending on how sunny it is in the morning, they may stay like this until nearly noon.

At 8 a.m., some of the flowers are partially opened, some totally closed

 

When it gets sunny enough, they start to reopen. By 9:30 a.m. most of them have started to open.

:

By the time I got back from my walk at 11a.m., most of them had opened up fully.

Aside from being a cool thing to look at and apparently for me to take photos of, why am I writing about this here?

Because flowers that do this are teaching me a valuable lesson. That is that they know not to waste their precious energy on staying open at night because it is not necessary. They are protecting their reproductive parts (now there's an entirely different concept that merits several blog postings itself) and pollen when it's not needed. Some also do this to protect against bad weather and nighttime cold. The bottom line is that this eliminates the wasting of pollen. They protect their most valuable asset. Brilliant!

Too bad we (okay I), don't have that same automatic, adaptive technique, or at least I haven't discovered it yet but I am working on doing that. This past year has been one of the hardest in my life and I am working on changing many things. One day I might write about it, but, for now it is too close and too hard, and I can't even begin to think about doing that now.

What I can say is that during this process I have discovered that I seem to waste my valuable energy on those who aren't worthy of it, or who think I have an unlimited supply of it, or on things I can never have. My goal is to become like the petals on my chamomile, and to only open when there's a real need to instead of wasting my most valuable asset: me. 

Day 55: Battling Burn Out With Bubbles

The end of another week just means my book deadline is closer. Yet, my workload hasn't lightened allowing me to focus on it the way I had hoped I could by this time. It costs money to eat and to have electricity, etc., which means I don't have the luxury of not taking paying jobs to work only on it. So, I am trying to just keep moving forward and not panic, but I am finding it more difficult to do that.

I have been doing things to try to decrease my stress and to try to keep myself healthy. I have been eating more fruits and veggies all day, especially crunchy things like carrots, and I have also been walking a minimum of 2-3 miles, at least 5 times a week. I struggle with the fact that it takes about an hour out of my day by the time I go, come back, and then get back to work. But, it is a necessity and it really helps.

But, my biggest secret weapon in the fight against stress, and that has often prevented me from snapping is a long, hot, bubble bath. I can't remember a time when I did not soak in a tub.

Nor, can I think of anything that I haven't soaked for. I have used my bubble baths to relax, to soothe my tired and aching muscles, to reflect on a great day, to daydream about a crush or a new love, to celebrate achievements and happy occasions, and to prepare for big, stressful days like my comprehensive exams and my thesis presentation while in grad school. And more often than not, I have used it to have a good cry and to literally wash my tears away. 

Day 53: Becoming High School Friends 30 Years Later

The weather here in the South Bay was perfect today. It was like an advertisement for So Cal living, about 75 degrees, with bright sunshiny ocean views. I never need an excuse to go out and look at the ocean but today was an extra special day since one of my friends from high school (yes, they had progressed beyond one room classrooms even back in my day) came to see me.

View of Rancho Palos Verdes from Terranea Resort

It is a very cool thing. Ms. Laurie and I did not know each other in high school. I knew who she was, everyone knew who she was, because she was one of the "popular" girls, and also one of the nicest. She was even voted "just plain nice" in our class. But, we never met. I was not only shy about talking to boys then, but even talking to other girls if I didn't know them.

So, when I got on Facebook and started connecting with friends from high school, I asked to friend her and unlike many of the "popular" girls who actually blocked me (yeah, I guess some people are still 15) she said yes. And since then, we have gotten to know each other and have become good friends. We don't just share a common past, but we like so many of the same things and both enjoy the simple things, like looking at the ocean, going to farmers' markets, photography, gardening, art, talking and laughing, and supporting each other as we pursue our life's passions.

This is one of the cool things about getting older and wiser. You realize what you might have missed out on and the people you missed getting to know by being too shy, or too cliquish or too whatever. I am so happy we have become friends and we are going through this phase of our lives together.

She is an awesome photographer, but, is so modest about her skills. I think she could do it professionally, and is going to help me with my book by taking some photos of some things I need for some of the chapters I don't have images for.

She had never been out to my area and I took her around to show her some of the great scenery because I knew she'd want to take photos of everything, including this view from Terranea Resort. The ocean was so blue today it didn't look real.

I was sneaky and got a photo of her doing what she does best: One day I hope to join her at an opening for her own photography exhibit.

Laurie taking photos of Mar'sel Edible Garden at Terranea

Day 51: Keep Your Head To The Sky

Today was a holiday, well, it was for many people, technically it wasn't for me but I still managed to avoid work for most of the day. I am sure I will regret that come the morning when I have to work on the hospital newsletter, the book's Introduction, the book editing, and my continued search for image sources for the book. Oh, and I still have a workshop to prep. for and another column to write.

I always say it is better to be busy than bored, but it has been so long since I have actually been bored, that I think just for a day or two I would like to remember what it feels like.

So, since I was feeling a bit stressed, and starting to get sad because I feel like I am on this non-stop working/chores/working treadmill, I decided to take a bit longer on my walk this morning. Although now that I think about it, I could have spent that extra time weeding in my garden; oh well.

I love to be outside, I always feel so alive when I am in the fresh air, and walking lets me see things from an entirely different perspective. It is hard for me to be sad or worried when I look at everything around me, even just walking through the neighborhood gives me a fresh perspective. I think that's because there's a park across the street and I can look up at the trees and at the sky and it helps snap me out of my funk.

Things always look differently when you look up

This song is another thing that always helps, it has always motivated me, and kept me going in times when I sometimes think I can't. 

"Optimistic" by The Sounds of Blackness:

Keep keep On.... Never Say Die....
When in the midst of sorrow
You can' t see up when looking down
A brighter day tomorrow will bring

You hear the voice of reason
Telling you this can't never be done
No matter how hard reality seems
Just hold on to your dreams

Don't give up and don't give in
Although it seems you never win
You will always pass the test
As long as you keep your head to the sky
You can win as long as you keep your head to the sky
You can win as long as you keep your head to the sky
Be optimistic

If things around you crumble
No you don't have to stumble and fall
Keep pushing on and don't you look back

I know the storms and strive
Cloud up your outlook on life 

 Just think ahead and you'll be inspired
To reach higher and higher.

You'll always do your best
If you learn to never say never
You may be down but you're not out.

Don't give up and don't give in
Although it seems you never win
You will always pass the test
As long as you keep your head to the sky
You can win as long as you keep your head to the sky (you can win child)
You can win as long as you keep your head to the sky
Be optimistic

Don't you let no body stop you.....
Be optimistic

You can win Yes
Never say die...

Day 50: The Permanent Pause

Hmm, Day 50 in my 50th year. You would think that would merit some brilliant, earth-shattering wisdom wouldn't you?

I am not exactly sure that what is on my mind is earth-shattering, but, it is part of most women's lives, some just may not ever notice it until it happens and is done, and some don't get there naturally due to medical issues. But for me, I have been noticing it for about 7 years now.

OKAY: WARNING TO THE MEN, this is your chance to leave, I am talking about "women's stuff" and I have found that many of the men in my life do not want to hear anything about it, and in fact, it is one of the few things that they are actually afraid of. So, here is my final warning to you: STEP AWAY FROM THE BLOG.

I have this magnet on my fridge!

Okay, to all of my female friends (and the few enlightened men that have stuck around), today marks one-year since I have had my "monthly visitor!" Whoo Hoo!!!!! That means I am now "officially" in Menopause. Why so excited? Because so far, this is the only perk that I can see from this. Just think of the money I am going to save each month (well, that I have already saved).

Yeah, I am using a euphemism to refer to my menstrual cycle because the men in our lives are often so uncomfortable hearing the word "period" or "menstruation," that we have even had to dumb down discussions about our own reproductive system for them. Others I have heard it called during my life include "Aunt Flo," "My Friend Flo," and of course, "The Curse," which I find ironic and sad that something that is necessary to bring life to all of us, is seen so negatively.

But I digress (big shock). When I saw my OB-Gyn last month, and told her I was almost done and it would be a year. She said, "yep, that means you are going to be in menopause, officially." When I asked her, "so does this mean I get a crown or a prize or something, for dealing with the hot flashes, night sweats, and unexpected and unwelcome tearfulness since 2005? " she said, "it means you can't get pregnant."

I found that response so interesting. I have spent my entire life trying to avoid getting pregnant; it is what all  women do except for the few times that they actually may want to get pregnant. Again, my first thought was think of all the money I have spent on birth control products and now, just like that (okay, not really just like that) but with her pronouncement that is no longer an issue.

I also find it interesting how, the many people in my life who felt it was their business and who actually told me that I would seriously regret my choice not to have children, either when I reached 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, and yes, 50, were seriously wrong. Maybe one day soon I will write about that choice, but for now,  it just goes back to what I wrote about the other day, trust yourself, you know what is right for you.

So now I am officially in the next phase. And, I have to say that it is not as bad as I had heard, or thought it was going to be (okay, with the exception of my hormone-fed breast lumps that have required 3 surgeries and that hopefully will now also stop). I am looking forward to what comes next.

For all of my friends that are going through the same thing thing and thinking that they are going crazy, or think they are alone, you are not. Check out one of my favorite places to go to find some humor in this "phase of life" and to see that you are not alone. Perrie Meno-Pudge is hilarious and like I try to do, she finds humor in all of the special changes at this phase of our lives.