Saturday, July 14, 2012

Day 196: Two Months Post 50

It is now nearly 10 p.m. and it just dawned on me that today is the 14th. I knew this. It is a friend's birthday today and she is actually 5-1. But, the fact that it is exactly two months post-50th birthday just dawned on me. It isn't that I am getting more and more forgetful as I age. My story is that I have so many things going on; my brain is full with them, and that's why I can't remember things. That's my story and I am sticking to it.

Lest I sound repetitive, (oh WTF, face it, I am repetitive) I have been 50 for two months. And instead of feeling like I have more answers, I increasingly feel like I have less. I remember when I turned 40 and was talking to my Dad about this. I told him that I actually felt like I was getting stupider as I aged. He told me that as we get older we actually finally realize we don't know everything, and we never will, and that we are always learning. And, if we aren't learning, we are through.

He has given me lots of good advice over the years, and some not so good, or that did not apply to me, but lest I digress again, I will stick to the subject. But this piece was one of the best. I work at following it and to learn something from everything, even the really bad things. But, sometimes they sting so much that I often don't see the lesson. Or, it takes a long time to see it.

As I have written here many times, I am stubborn and I often hold on to things for way too long. So, it is no surprise that learning when to give up, or to let go of things is still the hardest lesson for me to learn. But, holding on to them can actually do more harm than good. Recognizing this doesn't make it any easier, it just makes it impossible to ignore them anymore.

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